Sex World relocated to downtown Robbinsdale

Sex World, the center of Minneapolis’ red light district, will be closing its location in downtown Minneapolis and relocating to downtown Robbinsdale.

According to City Manager Tim Sandvik, the decision to bring Sex World to downtown Robbinsdale was “an easy one”.

“During my tenure as city manager, I’ve found that Birdtowners have a fancy for the erotica.” Sandvik said.

However, due to city budget constraints, Sex World will be located in the basement of Pawn America, rather than being located in a primary building downtown.

“Unfortunately, a lot of Robbinsdale businesses didn’t want to give up their space to allow Sex World to come in,” Sandvik said. “However, the kind folks at Pawn America were more than happy to evict the few drifters living in the basement.”

Regular Sex World customer, Houston Short, expressed his concern about Sex World’s relocation.

“In Minneapolis, it had flashing lights outside and it was glamorous to go in. Now, it’s in some basement that looks like it came out of ‘Saw’.” Short said.

To combat the criticism of Sex World’s relocation, the owners have launched new, discounted products in order to ensure the approval of Robbinsdale residents.

“We have Robby the Robin dildos, tents for intercourse under the water tower, and Wicked Wort anal beads,” Sex World Employee Oswaldo Funk said. “We also are in the process of negotiating with the folks at Kings and Queens Tailors and the Robbinsdale Historical Society on creating realistic dolls of famous figures in Robbinsdale’s rich history.”

Products at Sex World will be 69% off to Robbinsdale residents who show proof of residency to any Sex World Employee.

“Proof of intimacy would be good too,” Funk joked.

Robbinsdale’s Sex World’s grand opening is expected Friday, July 32. There will also be a Sex World float in this year’s Whiz Bang Day parade.